A Light Reflection on Depression - inspired by the initial shock of Sushant

Sushat passed away a few weeks ago, shocking the whole of India until this day. Police inquiries were conclusive on cause to be suicide, but this has not stopped the debate that has evolved over time, starting from earlier revived discussions of Bollywood nepotism, to demand on a new police inquiry due to disbelief of a suicide from the masses with meticulously analyzed circumstantial evidence (reminds me of Don’t F*ck with Cats).

Very importantly, the shock has also raised awareness of clinical depression, a topic which various people have analyzed in relation to the incident. There are friends who have openly asked to lend an open ear to someone who might be in need.

The underlying logic of belief in Sushant did not commit suicide is that someone who seems spiritual, often shared a good laugh with others, was interested in big questions in life, and was active in certain activities before committing suicide is not likely to be going through depression.

Regardless of what really happened in India, this is an inspired piece, reflecting largely on depression.

Standard descriptions of symptoms of clinical depression are abundant online - loss of status, personal crisis, loss of loved one, major transitions are among them. It sounds relatively obvious on paper and therefore relatable. Like obviously someone going through a divorce might get into depression. But it seems, to me, the described symptoms are about as much as they are, external descriptions that do not get into the core.

A few questions are worth pondering. No one is spared in going through a major life transition and personal crisis of some sort at some point in life, which at least once will bring about negative feelings. Does that mean every person is prone to be depressed at some point in life? Does one have to go through depression to understand depression, in order to relate to the experience? Or a non-depressive person can be trained into empathizing depression and use such training to help someone going through depression?

On whether someone has depression or not, the answer probably lies in the idea of spectrum or degree, with depressed on one end and not depressed on the other end. Depending on the benchmark of what defines depression, each person, at some point in life during down moments, is placed somewhere on the spectrum.

I speak from purely reflection. I speak with no academic reading or theory research backing.

We, humans, like to think of incidents of having a trigger, a causal factor to everything that happens. But I cannot say for certain if that always holds true. Depression, a distant but vivid memory for me, seemed to appear all of a sudden over a short span of time. Personally the trigger point, if there was one, was a move to a new country.

Moving to a new country certainly had a shock factor, no matter how many times one had done it. But that alone was perhaps simply a catalyst buried among multiple other factors. Perhaps it was the food. Perhaps it was the days that turned dark early. Perhaps it was the intimidation of certain aspects of the new activity I was engaged in.

An episode as such resembles a tunnel. One changes from beautiful scenery and suddenly becomes darkness. It takes the tunnel to be over for one to realize objectively external surroundings were functioning as normal - everything in their own place and happening at their own pace, whether or not the person in question was going through an episode.

Conclusion: it is all about the self, and self perception. 

It is hard to explain what exactly happens. A relatively simple explanation is the loss of meaning and self worth, completely and suddenly. Whatever seemed an achievement in a previous lifetime could seem meaningless and irrelevant all at once. Note - it is not the opposite of positive, but rather neutrality (in particular, that of insignificance), everything reduced to zero.

And thus there is a vacuum for suicidal thoughts. When anything can mean nothing, it requires simple logic to arrive at the conclusion that one’s existence means nothing. But even taking the ultimate irrevocable step is itself a long and winding bargaining process, shoving back and forth along the way. Thoughts somehow will lead one into deep space and try to extract meaning: what about friends and family around who care about one? Are certain moments of achievement in the past really worth nothing?

It is remarkable how, even during this time, toward the outside world the body generates enough energy to pull out an external facade of normality.

If depression is at least partially caused by neurological changes, then the body itself also has an innate survival instinct that tries to rescue the subject from the brink. The mind bargains with itself, and if we were to take materialism for granted, then it is an inbuilt defence mechanism in the body battling with itself. 

For people surrounding, I suppose to the observant or the experienced, certain signs of abnormality can be spotted on the subject after certain interactions. Despite all efforts to appear normal, social settings will appear challenging to some.

The fact is that the vast majority of crowds will simply not comprehend what is happening. Even among the observant, or those who have been reached out for help, those knowing how to react are a scarcity in numbers.

There are responses that often add fuel to the fire:

“I think it is all just an act. I don’t understand what you’re talking about.”

“Look at what you have. Why can’t you be happy with what you have?”

“Just do what you’re supposed to do.”

And some turn away because it is an emotional burden. Most people do not like or have the patience to be dragged behind.

In one’s public life, one is expected to always have an objective, have an opinion, act confident, and pull out the best of one. One is measured against what one has achieved in life. As a result, there is not much space left for anything else. 

The reality remains that, despite the ability to have empathy, we remain largely unequipped in a situation to interact with someone who believes nothing matters. When one still perceives meaning in daily actions and existence, busy with worldly affairs, it becomes difficult to personally emphasize with someone who sees none.

Without getting into the specific clinical methods, an effective help from experience is being offered a lending ear. The listener can react cautiously, passing no judgments and acknowledging a subject’s thoughts subtly. Being around and showing subtle acts of love can also work. Gradually meaning can hopefully be built as steps out of the hole, and this is a long process.

It is important to recognize the role of meaning in the core of one’s existence.

Meaning is fickle, because it is largely given and self derived, and does not exist objectively.  Due to this nature, meaning is subject shifts and reduces at given shocks and moments. They can vanish when one point of vulnerability in one’s personal belief system is penetrated through, like a slow puncture in a tyre.

Modern life is successful in giving us endless sources of meaning. Work life and professional achievements take up the best of one’s emotional energy. Some companies are so successful in creating machines, largely by supplanting a personal mission with a collective one that is moving. The key is to create many objectives and a fast-paced environment, so space to reflect is diminished. I say this largely from personal experience.

The critical point one has to ask oneself is - how to personally be at peace with externally suggested or imposed missions and belief systems.

I recognize that, due to circumstances in life, it is impossible for many to have the luxury to ask even such a question.